CSS Newsletter

HELP RAISING CONFIDENT KIDS

From the Desk Of: Mattie Crownover, LMSW

Parenting is perhaps one of the most difficult tasks we will face in our lifetime, and one of the many challenges of parenthood is helping to raise a confident child. All children will face insecurity at some point, and it can be difficult for parents to watch as their children experience pain and discomfort. There are things, however, that you can do to help your child shift their insecurities into confidence.

1. Show Them Your Love

Children are going to lose games at their sporting events, they will get a bad grade at school, and they will break rules. It is important that while they are going through these things you express how much you love them while setting boundaries about rules or helping them process a failure. Children will learn that your love is not conditional on their performance and that you will be there during difficult times.

2. Embrace Imperfections

Children are growing up in a world of social media and there is perfection seemingly everywhere. It is important to talk to your child about these perceived images, emphasizing that not everyone is always happy, successful, and dressed perfectly. Letting children know perfection is not attainable allows them to embrace the imperfections that come with life.

3. Celebrate Effort

It is easy to celebrate the wins and the great grades, but as adults we know effort does not always end with winning the game or getting a perfect score. Compliment your kid for how hard they tried at something! Allowing them to know you see the effort helps them know you are noticing the work they put in and not just the outcome.

4. Have Talk Time As A Family

Sitting down and having a conversation with your kids can be hard with the busy schedules we all have! Take time once a week to sit down, without phones, and have a conversation about your week as a family. This can be a time where you model active listening skills and making eye contact while talking. This will also allow your child to know that they have a safe space to go to and share.

5. Allow Your Child To Fail

This can be the hardest! As parents we only want the best for our children and seeing them upset is difficult! Failing and persevering, however, are how children learn to succeed. They can learn about themselves and what they need to do different next time. Complimenting their perseverance will allow them to see that failure will happen but what matters is that they do not give up. And when they do fail, use the talk time to process and validate their feelings.

6. Focus On Your Child's Strengths

This can be especially helpful if you have more than one child! Each child is different and has different strengths. Focusing on their particular strengths will help them be able to know that all strengths are noticed and appreciated and also help them feel more confident in being true to themselves.

7. Avoid Being Critical

It can be hard in the moment to not be upset if a child breaks a rule, but if we take a moment to process our own feelings, we can have a productive conversation. Instead of focusing on the negative things they have done, problem solve what can be done differently next time. Ask them to give feedback on how they see the situation and what they think they could do different. Allowing the conversation to develop this way avoids negative comments. Comments such as “you are so inconsiderate” does not motivate the child and can also cause a negative self-image.

As we discussed, no one is perfect and it is hard to make changes overnight! Slowly implementing these practices into your child’s life can greatly improve your family’s dynamic. Confidence is built slowly every day. Allowing your home to be a safe space to grow is essential.

If you would like more support in this or other parenting areas, our amazing team of therapists at The Center for Social Success are here to help!

Call for more information or to schedule an appointment at (972)404-3001.