Creating Independence Within Your Teenager

From the Desk Of: Deliah Mooney, LMSW

As parents, fostering independence in our teens is a delicate yet vital task. In this edition, we delve into practical strategies that empower both parents and teenagers on the journey towards autonomy. Join us as we navigate the complexities of adolescence and equip both you and your teenager with the tools needed for a successful journey towards independence.

1. Set Realistic Boundaries

Setting boundaries is the first step towards the process of independence. Before being able to explore and discover, it is important that your teen is aware of what’s expected and allowed of them. This lessens the chance of uncertainty, conflict, and anxiety on both the parents and teens’ part. An effective way to approach this is to sit down with your teen and come up with rules they deem are reasonable. This could look like setting a curfew or awareness of their location. Adding on to the list together until a point of satisfaction will help them feel as though they were a part of the process. Boundaries exist to keep them safe, and being consistent with them will create a dynamic of expectancy and respect.

2. Prompt Self-Advocacy

In situations that require your teen to face conflict, encourage them to be an effective advocate for themselves. When challenges arise in their relationships with friends, siblings, romantic partners, teachers, coaches, etc., allow them to resolve situations and have a voice for themselves. This doesn’t mean that you have to leave your teens high and dry in the face of adversity. You can strategize together, but ultimately, allow them to practice stating their own needs while showing a stance of support. Teens crave to feel that they are the experts in their own life. By allowing your teens to self-advocate, you are providing them with confidence within their own abilities.

3. Encourage Outside Activities and Interests

Raising a healthy teen involves getting them out into the world. Being away from the home environment is a productive way for them to learn and grow within their independence. Encouraging your teen to pursue outside interest not only creates more opportunities for friendships, but also builds upon their decision-making, goal setting, and time management skills. Whether your teen is active in a school club, on a sports team, enjoys a craft, has a job, etc., showing your support is important. Showing interest in their interests is a great way to bond and show that you value their goals.

4. Double Down on Self-Soothing/Regulating Strategies

The adolescent years can be a period of vast emotions. Independence comes with the responsibility to be able to regulate one’s own emotions. Through self-soothing techniques and self-regulation strategies, teens learn that they can be in control of how they present themselves to the world. Having the ability to self-soothe means having the ability to tolerate distress, decrease impulsive urges, and stay grounded in the present. Teens that learn this obtain a head start in life through the ability to create their own calm.

5. Be Patient and Supportive

As we all know, nobody is perfect. Mistakes will be made, and situations will not always go according to plan. It is difficult to have the courage of independence if low self-esteem is being developed. Therefore, encouragement instead of criticism when honest mistakes are made will go a long way. It is crucial for teens to be able to see themselves in a positive image in order to exude confidence within their goals and dreams. Using affirming language and recognizing their progress is a sure way to show your teen that you are on their side. Remember people at the core aspire to be accepted, and this is no different for teens.

If any of these areas are a concern for you and/or your child, our amazing team of therapists at The Center for Social Success are here to help them build the skills and confidence needed to be successful in their social endeavors! We offer both individual and group sessions, year-round, for all ages!

Call for more information or to schedule an appointment at (972)404-3001.