Managing back to school anxiety
The start of a new school year can bring excitement and anxiety. New teachers, classmates, routines, and expectations can feel overwhelming.
The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to help children learn: “I can feel anxious AND still handle hard things.” Here are a few ways to make the transition easier.
Start adjusting bedtime and wake-up times before school begins. Consistent sleep supports attention, learning, emotional regulation, and behavior.
Let your child know that feeling nervous is okay. Instead of immediately saying, “There’s nothing to worry about,” try asking:
- “What part are you worried about?”
- “What thoughts are going through your brain?”
- “Where do you feel the worry in your body?”
- “What could help you feel calmer?”
Help children practice both calming their brains and calming their bodies. They can challenge anxious thoughts with realistic self-talk such as, “I can do hard things,” or “Being nervous doesn’t mean I can’t do it.”
Simple breathing exercises, muscle relaxation, or other calming strategies can also help. Practice them when your child is calm so they’re easier to use when anxiety shows up.
If possible, visit the school before the first day. Walk through the building, find important locations, and talk through what the morning will look like.
For younger children, practice the routine together: “We’ll get in the car, walk to this door, you’ll go inside, and I’ll pick you up here after school.”
Familiarity can make the unknown feel much more manageable.
Bravery doesn’t mean not being scared. It means doing something even when you’re scared. Celebrate small steps: walking into school, talking to a classmate, asking for help, or using a coping strategy.
“I could tell you were nervous, and you walked in anyway. That was brave!”
Children often look to parents for cues about whether something is safe. Communicate calm confidence.
“I know this feels hard AND I know you can handle it.”
Your message is: you’re safe, your feelings are manageable, and I believe in you.
Create a simple goodbye ritual:
Keep it consistent and follow through. Repeatedly extending the goodbye may provide temporary comfort but can make separation harder over time.
Back-to-school anxiety may take days or even weeks to settle. Look for progress, not perfection. “You were nervous AND you did it.” Each time children feel anxious and successfully move through it, they learn an important lifelong skill: “Anxiety feels uncomfortable, but I can handle it.”