How to Encourage Appropriate Social Skills with Friends
From the desk of Erin Lozano, MEd, LPC-S, RPT-S
Director of Early Childhood
"The holiday breaks are an opportunity for your child to spend time with other friends in a setting outside the school. Whether they meet up to hang out or a friend comes over for a play date, helping your child to navigate these social situations can be intimidating... As parents, there are things you can do to help encourage success in these areas!"
01. Help Your Child Choose an Appropriate Friend
- Choose a friend who is nice to them.
- Help your child text/call the friend to ask if they would like to hang out.
- For younger children, ask the teacher for advice on who would be a good match.
- For younger children, reach out to the other child’s parents to set up the play date.
02. Target the Social Behaviors You Want to Change
- Be specific and only focus on a few at a time.
- State the behavior in a positive way by telling them what TO DO, not what NOT TO DO.
Examples: “Use your words”, “Take deep breaths when frustrated”, “Share toys”, “Take turns”.
03. Talk to Your Child About Expectations
- Agree on a plan.
- Be very concrete.
- • State your goals in a positive way and again tell them what you want them TO DO, not what you want them NOT TO DO.
04. Set Up an Incentive Plan
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Catch your child doing WELL.
Avoid criticism. Comment frequently on the positives and praise any approximation of the behavior you desire.
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Reward Liberally.
Especially in the beginning, liberally reward your child. Let them help decide what special privilege or item they earn.
05. Prepare Your Child in Advance
Remind your child what you expect and express confidence that they can do it.
06. Help Your Child Solve Difficult Situations
- Use Empathy and help them identify what went wrong.
- What did the other child, as well as your child, do to contribute to the problem (remember, there are two sides to every story!).
- Problem solve options they can do to make it better.
"Encourage them to go back and try to fix the problem—don’t rush in and fix it for them!"
Remember, your goal is to help your child learn which problems can be fixed, which cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference.
07. Celebrate Accomplishments
- Be honest and specific.
- Point out any areas of improvement.
- Let your child help decide what special privileges or material items to earn
- Build on their success!